So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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