think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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