Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
