Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
