I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
