JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
