Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
