can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
This toilet bowl is my home.
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