last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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