But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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