oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize