There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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