She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
they're like a gay fantastic four
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
