You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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