a queef is a wish your heart makes.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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