and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
