Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
