We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
