I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
