My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You're so nebulous sometimes
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
