How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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