super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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