Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
