you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
