If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Someone shit on the floor
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize