He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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