Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
