the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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