He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
