i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
