Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
