Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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