my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
