if you like me you must not know who I am
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
