I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
