More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
