"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
