he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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