He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
