Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
