He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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