Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
being pregnant is like rehab
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
