When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
