Only a mothe r could love this liver
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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