I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
