Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
foreskin is a definite game changer
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
