We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
