She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize