hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
