i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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