every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
