Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
