i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
