In the future we'll all be gay
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize