we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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