Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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