so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
