Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
