I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
