She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Girls should come with a carfax report
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
