I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
