dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
