I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize