Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
