Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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