Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
