every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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