You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
