I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Randomize