Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
