Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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